I don’t celebrate holidays created for commercial reasons, which means that I’m completely non-plussed about Valentine’s Day. It has always felt like a scam to me, much like when they introduced Halloween in Sweden (which wasn’t a thing when I grew up), for the money obviously. If you need an excuse to take a loved one to a romantic dinner, or to dress up like a slutty ghost clown for that matter, then you’re doing it wrong.

That said, have fun tonight, kids. Remember to protect yourselves. There are werewolves out there, after all.